his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
