You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
