His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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