i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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