Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
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