I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
