the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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