I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Who put my cat in the fridge?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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