Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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