I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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