is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
