I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
