No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
