I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
