All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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