I am spending my child support on dildos
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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