If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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