im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
