Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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