we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
