You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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