I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I can't put those talents on a resume
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize