guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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