just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
