Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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