You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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