Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
