Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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