I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
