I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize