dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
