we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He? As in you personified your dick?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
