This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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