You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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