sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
