I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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