Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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