So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
