Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
