i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
