I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
