well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
