Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
