there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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