I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
