she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
