You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
