you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
