I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
