he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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