At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
