I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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