Jerry, you need to find god
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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