I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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