According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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