when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
