So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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