This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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