you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
