I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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