We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
