I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
