Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I did not marry a roomba.
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