yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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