Non-Jews are for practice
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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