I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just saw a hot homeless man
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize