How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
