in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
If I donโt find a quality dick soon Iโm going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. Itโs like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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