I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
