Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
