Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
this boner is exhausting
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
