Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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