that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
