I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
